Metal Gear Solid: The Frankenmovie

For years there have been rumors of a Hollywood produced Metal Gear Solid: The Movie in the works.  For those unfamiliar with the Metal Gear Solid (MGS) video game series, it is one of the two seminal stealth game series.

I was introduced to the series years ago when my brother received MGS 1 for GameCube from a friend. As we dove into heart-pounding stealth action on Shadow Moses Island, dodged the enemy by hiding under a cardboard box, used weapons on hand and close quarters combat to make it out of a sticky situation, I was hooked. While I enjoy the other major stealth game franchise, Splinter Cell, my heart lies with Metal Gear Solid. If they were comic book movies, Splinter Cell would be Nolan’s Batman series, and Metal Gear Solid would be The Avengers.

What makes the MGS series great is the mix of intriguing, developed characters, plot twists that usually make sense, great gameplay, all balanced and mixed with over-the-top elements.  Somehow, discussions of nuclear warfare, villains who would mesh well into any super-hero story, plot twists involving clones and betrayal, all work together to create a colorful, interesting world.

Solid Snake: Not every stealth game action hero can rock a mullet.

If you doubt this over the topness, note that the franchise’s main villain Metal Gear.  In its various forms, Metal Gear is a multi-surface tank capable of launching nuclear missiles. and could spell disaster for the whole world. In MGS 1, he battles his clone-twin Liquid Snake, who rocks a blond mullet in competition to Solid Snake’s brunette mullet.  Other villains in the franchise include Colonel Volgin, a Russian commander who can shoot electricity from his fists, Psycho Mantis who manipulates you by scanning your game system’s memory card, Vamp who survives several fatal gun wounds to fight you again.

It was in considering these elements, wondering how Hollywood could successfully translate MGS into a film, that I realized it has already been made.

It just has to be composited together from Bourne Legacy, Thor, and Wolverine.  (You can add in more if you so desire.)

Without further ado, I present: Metal Gear Solid: The Frankenmovie

The film opens out in the barren, snow-swept wilderness of Alaska (where Solid Snake disappears to at the end of MGS 1).

Snake, you acquired the sniper rifle!

Here Snake is training and traveling on a new mission (in the form of Jeremy Renner as Aaron Cross in the Bourne Legacy). He reaches the end of his path, and there is a secret base which looks a lot like a SHIELD containment site surrounding an extraterrestrial hammer. Snake needs that object to defeat keep Metal Gear from being made.

Using his stealth suit, he transforms himself into Chris Hemsworth as Thor.

As he uses the basics of CQC to bash his way in, his fellow clone (also in the form of Jeremy Renner, but now as Hawkeye) is aiming a bow at him.

A force field is keeping the space hammer in place, so Snake must back track and unlock the field.

Cut to Snake disguised as Hugh Jackman as Wolverine.

He joins a band of mutants to use their random super powers to break into a building and do awesome flips. Various sneaking events and action sequences occur, leading to an epic climax mixing:

The parkour skills of Bourne Legacy…

The over the top explosiveness of Wolverine’s conclusion…

And the giant town destroying robot of Thor.

We end of course with a post-credit teaser conversation with Revolver Ocelot (the long running quadruple agent antagonist of the whole MGS series) having a cryptic conversation with Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury.

What do you think?

Would a Metal Gear Solid movie really work?  What video game(s) do you think could translate well to film?  What video game adaptation do you think works well, and what doesn’t?  How excited are you that Billie Piper and David Tennant are scheduled to be in the 50th Anniversary Episode of Doctor Who?

Other stuff you might find fun:

A pondering of why video games and movies don’t translate well across mediums from  dalienation.

Discussions of a potential Warcraft movie from the Pop Cultist

A review of Street Fighter (the film) from anthonybozzola

A list of the 5 worst video game adaptations of all time from Screenkicker!

A list of movies that celebrate video games from Too Many Topics

And to end, my favorite sequence in all of the games.

6 thoughts on “Metal Gear Solid: The Frankenmovie

  1. I’m thinking, if they can make a GI Joe movie, then certainly they can make a Metal Gear Solid movie. The CGI is top notch nowadays but the action is what the producers should think about. I would love if JJ Abrams would get involved with this project. He’d know how to bring out the true emotion with the character back stories, IMO.

    • I think the GI Joe point is a good connection – the main question is – can they make a good MGS movie?
      There are a few directors out there who could match the action with the strong back stories. Of any game series, Metal Gear Solid is one of the most movie-ready.

  2. I remember playing the one for the original playstation, and at one point a level boss tells you to turn off the system. I did, then realized what just happened. I almost got an ulcer I was so mad.

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