Around the internet there are a few sets of rules some Marvel superfans have posted to grant permission to their friends to watch Avengers: End Game with them.
For those of you who enjoy the fun of Marvel movies but will not have your lives crushed by the imminent deaths of beloved Marvel characters (who are likely those who are played by actors whose contracts are completed), and would rather not have your movie experience micromanaged, I’ve made my own list of rules.
Original Rule: We will be seated at least 15 minutes before the movie starts.
My Rule: We will be seated when we get to the movie theater. Hopefully, that’s before the movie and after you’ve gotten the snack of your choice.
Original Rule: Don’t ask me anything because you should’ve watched recaps like a smart person.
My Rule: If you have questions about what’s going on in the movie, please hold them to the end. It may be better for you, because I don’t remember every detail and my answer may or may not be the truth. You are liable to hear, “That’s from when Thor transformed into a hammer-throwing t-rex.”
Original Rule: There will be no unnecessary talking or chewing during the movie. If you talk and I miss something important, I will hit you with my shoe.
My Rule: Please don’t talk during the movie. We’re at the theater. Be courteous. Goes for any movie.
That is, except for when we’re the only ones in the movie theater. That’s just fun to be noisy.
Original Rule: You will cry, laugh and gasp at appropriate times.
My Rule: You will cry, laugh, gasp, roll your eyes, and have any natural reaction whenever you feel like it. If I turn to you with a look of, “That was awesome,” or, “That was really dumb,” feel free to reciprocate.
Original Rule: Take it easy with your drink because there will be no bathroom breaks.
My Rule: Use the bathroom before the movie. This one’s marathon-length. If you have to step out for a potty emergency during the film, when you come back I will let you know that something exploded. Or someone got punched. And it was in space. Or Thor turned into a tutu-wearing t-rex wielding a hammer. All of this may or may not be true.
Original Rule: At the end of the movie, we will sit and wait until the credits have finished.
My Rule: At the end of the movie, let’s sit and wait until the credits have finished. Unless we really hated the movie – which could happen even with an Avengers film. Then, I’m ok with leaving.
Original Rule: After we leave the theater, we will walk to our cars and ponder the events that unfolded in silence.
My Rule: After we leave the theater, we will walk to our cars, because, how else will we get there? Teleport? Did you figure out how to teleport? Wow. You’re amazing.
Original Rule: We will discuss our thoughts and feelings about the movie on the following day when I’m no longer an emotional wreck.
My Rule: After the movie, we will discuss everything you want to. Whether we agree or not, I want to know your opinion and consider something you might have seen that I hadn’t. Isn’t part of the fun of going with a friend talking about it right afterward? I mean, didn’t you love that part where Thor turned into a tutu-wearing t-rex wielding a hammer while riding a pegasus with Rocket riding side-saddle?
So, those are my rules. Let me know if you’d like to come with me.
I’m one of the few who was less-than enthralled by Infinity Wars, so I’m not sure about how much I care about End Game. Captain Marvel was fantastic, but I’m not sure I’m up for a marathon of explosions just yet.
What are you excited for with Avengers: End Game?
What rules do you have for fellow movie-watching?